#I love that right when ppl get ARE THEY NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE
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homicidalbrunette · 2 years ago
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I mean....
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willowfey · 1 year ago
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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal#but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
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tearingdread · 6 months ago
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the crazy thing is that the way the world is makes it seem impossible to actually do the work to get better and be at peace with yourself and be comfortable in your skin.
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rashfordian · 1 year ago
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daily shuffle ting 📸
#im having a mid crisis when im not even middle aged n i dont wanna go back to school#good day and good night. i wanna sink into the floor#bc a football club i decided to support with my heart n soul has betrayed me n i dont even like to watch games anymore#also im reading a drarry fanfiction like im 13 again.#and my skin is awful. and and and im having a crisis n so many emotions that i dont even know where they stem from#i cant even smile properly anymore ive been facial training again bc ive slacked during covid n now —#i dont know how to my eyes have expresseds n i dont know how to smile or look like i care and i TOOK A HARDER HISTORY CLASS FOR NO REASONNN#I DONT EVEN LIKE HISTORYYYYYYYY#and i hate everything n ive been avoiding all my friends n texting ppl less n im just in a Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#i feel worthless n disgusting n my first thought when i wake up is 'i gotta take my acnetame and maybe if i deserve it i can shave my legs'#i naired one of them— my right. she is smooth in ways she hasnt been in a while. my left? chewbacca#n my school changed my passwords for my canvas so now tmr at 1:30 !! I GOTTA WALK UP THERE N GET MY NEW PERSONAL INFORMATION#the clothes i bought i didnt rlly like. but i just wanted to leave the store n make my grandmother happy. now im going into the school year#with clothes i hate n they dont feel gpod and theyre Not the right texture theyre too tight. But not in ways i love theyre too Tight.#n i .s.msneenen all my shoes r blk !!!! theyre all blk !!!!#sjsndjddjd and my hair !!!! my hair!!!!@ sjdjdjdu#God i just wanna lay in my room take showers n rot#roll around and hit myself on my headboard so hard i go into coma n i miss my entire year#n then i fuck off to hershey for chocolate bars and chocolate bags#cant even scrapbook right itsall paint its all paint n aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im in agony bc im not even saying whats rlly wrong with me#im focusing on the little problems and not the one it stims from. Like a web but if the spider only hang off the edge n never the middle#n everyone keeps talking at me n when i respond they yell at me for everything n i get pushed to the side#bc they hate whatever i have to say for whatever reason n wtv ig i hate them back. always pushing me down fuck them fuck them get out.#n now my friend is texting me her stuff after never speaking to me unless she has a problem#Anyways. sorry sorry. im whining im complaining im really depressed rn n def not in the right headspace to post any of this#or talk to anyone who is reading this. this probably doesnt make sense i left holes in my sentences#so sorry super sorry#that is a photo of me as a baby btw. it is the only one. please love her and maybe tell her she has nice eyebrows. she'd love that#we always take rlly good care of our eyebrows. thats a rule. we just plucked them today#anyways. see you. ill post hp gifs later n forger i ever felt bad to beginning. all of the best.
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hellfireeddiemunson · 2 years ago
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sick of making plans with a specific friend only for her to not reach out abt actually hanging out until the afternoon after i’ve waited all day to hear back from her or for her to just cancel last minute entirely after i’ve again waited all day to hear back from her
#like i genuinely fucking get that sometimes life is exhausting and you’re tired and sometimes you need to take care of urself before hanging#out with people but for it to be so fucking consistent is exhausting for ME#we don’t even fucking make plans that often it’s literally maybe once a fucking month if that#like you’re telling me somehow whenever we have plans that’s when you’re SOOOOOO exhausted ?????? but you left the house 39203 other times#to do shit that takes up way more mental capacity than sitting bat your house smoking weed for a while and catching up?????#i just don’t fucking get it dude i really don’t#if i make plans with someone and the day of i don’t want to anymore i always tell them right fucking away so they don’t spend all day waitin#around and planning their entire day around it just to get fucked over#idk i’m just frustrated and probably need to eat something and i’ll be less angry#i’m just like. upset bc i don’t understand why she only ever seems to cancel on me or only seems to be soooooo exhausted when it’s the day#we planned to hang out like i just think it’s unfair to me and i Have expressed this in general before so it’s like ok cool#thanks for taking my own feelings and time into consideration 🙄🙄😐#like i literally love and adore my friends more than life itself and it just hurts and is shitty when someone doesn’t act the same even tho#they’ve said the opposite idk#i genuinely hope i don’t sound like a dick right now bc i truly really understand when ppl are mentally exhausted or deal with chronic issue#issues* bc fucking SAME HERE I ALSO DEAL WITH ALL RHAT so it’s like idk i just don’t wanna sound like a dick i am just upset i’m not feeling#like i’m loved the same as i love people idk this always happens to me i feel like i just love too much and i over project and then when i#don’t get the same things in return i feel like people actually don’t like me or secretly are tryin to separate from me idk it’s shitty i#hate it so bad i want a normal brain this shitnfucking sucks#my brain is going too hard now tho i need to stop before i spiral for real right here right now on tumblr dot com
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ceramicbird · 1 year ago
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so i've seen the sara mini episode.
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itsalwaysdark · 3 months ago
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whining hours . sry
#like idk i try to like. imagine a future where i have like. friends. you know. Bare mimimum i have People i talk to. who arent lamp. and i#just cant imagine it happening again#like. i genuinely feel like i cant connect to ppl anymore and idk how id like. i dont see a way for me to do that ever again since i cant g#to school and like. sny job im able to get wouldnt be the kind where i like. meet people or make friends. and last year when i eent out wit#the express purpose of Making friends i literally couldnt. speak to anyone. like i just sat alone with my headphones on until it was time t#go home ... i dont know how to like. initiate casual conversation#+ like. i worry i get way too invested in any potential friendships bc i want so badly to be Normal and have friends and then i freak out#rly badly over something trivial. and thats entirely my fault like I need to work on not letting my freakouts effect the person im freaking#out abt. yk. like its my stupid brain that just gets rly rly overly defensive and weird abt everything its not like. I need to work on that#and thats another reason i dont knowif ill ever be able to make friends again is bc i genuinely dont trust myself not to get overly attache#way too quickly and then explode or something. idk#i also think maybe im just not meant to have actual lasting relationships with anybody ever. yk. like maybe im not meant to ever have roots#and maybe i just wont ever get to have stability and my life will always be entirely transient. Perhaps thats for the best so that i dont#have t like. lose ppl. and ppl dont have to deal with me#+ if i make bad decisions there r less ppl to care abt it. you know. which is a plus. idk#theres like. some parts of me r like desperate for friends and for love and to just . feel like i exist and Talk to people and like. have#stability. and then the rest r like No this is good bc we cant hurt as many ppl like this and also we dont deserve any of that so this is#for the best. and i just have to sit here like ok ! bc if i seek out friendships that part shuts it all down and if i dont the other part#makes me feel miserable and lonely. like damn i am destined for misery. but whatever. it doesnt rly matter DHRNFJFN im just being whiny#it just feels like i need like. ok this is my abdicating responsibility and is the reason i dont have friends disclaimer. i know that. very#aware. but i like. i need somebody to be the one to reach out to Me bc i like. i cant reach out to ppl like. i cant Try to initiate#conversations . but i think if there was a person who like. initiated conversations w me and started a friendship with me i like. i think#itd help me get used to Having a friend again and then id like. id be better at maintaining it and eventually id be able to pick up th#weight. but Obviously nobody wants to like. put in all that effort for somebody whos incapable of returning the favor possibly ever. yk#i need to just bite the bullet and humiliate myself and reach out even if its embarassing and even if it makes me have to throw up#<- happened one time when i tried to talk to someone new. which is so. oh my god. there r ppl who have avtual fucking issues and then im#just like boohoo i tried to think abt a conversation starter and got so anxious i fucking threw up. GOD. i hateit i hate it i hate it. but#wtvr. ik i cant actually expect that from anybody basically like. ik its a stupid wish. idk. i just wish i had somebody who could help me#like. remember how to mask and how to socialize Like a real person. and wouldnt mind that im like. weird right now. and would be willing to#talk to me until i got normal and stuff. wtvr. idk ... 10000 lashings
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celestialmancer · 6 months ago
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⛈️ ❌ ❌ ❌ // 2:09 am, tbd ;
#this is a fucking vent so just gnore the venty ass tags but i have nowhere else to place this that feels safe other than just.#shouting into a void where no one hears. aka here ig.#bc its better i shout into a void alone than drag others down with me somehow—i dont. know#regardless… i’m just… i dont know what to think.#things are really bad lately & i’m struggling again to stop myself from sh utting down every time i try being vulnerable & opening up.#i keep clamming up & letting my mind take the reins when it tells me to just erase anything i say. to not open up.#to swallow every single emotion & experience that’s hurting me & let that poison kill me slowly instead. deal with it alone#because it feels like its wrong to open up. like its wrong to say anything. like me being open is just.#me being a fucking burden or something. i don’t know. i shouldn’t be like this. i’m supposed to be fucking better than t his.#what the fuck happened to the version of myself that could just keep suppressing & suppressing & not being a goddamn thorn in ppl’s sides.#esp bc all the things i’m having a difficult / painful time with is all fucking trigger heavy shit or things that i just don’t.#fucking know what to do with anymore because its not shit within my control.#a lot of it’s shit im still just processing that has hurt a lot & havingg to cope w that grief alone.#but then there’s also other circumtances too that are hard to navigate & my BPD having a field day w me in recent history too#i don’t know what the fuck is wrong w me at this point. & im scared & i can’t stand being fucking alone in this shit yet.#i feel like i have to. i have to. i have to. beccause this is my own issue & to dare express anything is me just. using ppl isn’t it.#that’s all it is right. & besides how many times has it been proven that ppl get sick of me for not being okay.#how many times have ppl walked away because they realize im just some fucking deadweight emotionally or something. id on’t fucking know.#am i spiraling? who fucking knows! maybe! because im fucking tired of what my life has been in general & im. overwhelmed.#overwhelmed by existence itself i fucking guess & what its meant for me overwhelmed by expectations overwhelmed by vulnerability thats just.#bleeding out through the fucking cracks of this fucking mess of a person i am.#& constantly fucking afraid that im just. too much. too much. too much for anyone.#too emotional in fucking general too intense too overwhelming for others regardless if its overwhelming them via pos or neg emotions.#afraid im going to get discarded afraid of what’s to come afraid in fucking general. fear & grief & pain & rage & hatred &.#desperation to feel anything other than this & desperation to feel loved thats got me having rly foul compulsions too#all my emotions feel like some kind of fuckihng hairtrigger & its hard to stop it in fucking general. i dont fucking know. & like i said it.#feels like shit to deal with completely alone. not bc i wanna deal with alone but bc i /have/ to bc if i dont then im just. a problem. or.#i dont know. im tired of everything tired of my emotions tired of this life tired of all that ive had to face up til this point & tired of.#fear & idk how to handle things alone anymore. my friends deserve better than this emotional burden i am to be around ig.#it feels so much like i have to apologize to those i befriend for being. well. this. for all of me & for being ‘too much’ in general.
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vamptastic · 7 months ago
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everytime friends complain to me about dating or i read stuff about it online it's just a circus of miscommunication... how can you like somebody enough to date or sleep with them and not be able to talk with them like a normal person. i think going on dates with ppl you don't know that well sounds kinda fun but not if there's a million unspoken rules around it.
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bionic-penis · 8 months ago
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Erm !! Lil rant in da tags bc !! Erm !!
#idk but i feel like im going in the right direction for once#i feel like i struggled for so long with so many things#and a lot of it was me but i feel like this year rlly gave me space to grow#and i have grown. i think i get to say that#im not longer lonely and sad and angry all the time. like if you compared me to who i was four years ago you would be shocked#im a lot more confident. i feel comfortable accepting ppls friendship and whatever that entails. i dont get upset as easily#i mean even just comparing me to my senior yr of highschool. or even last year#and i think a large part of that is that things dont feel so one-sided anymore. like its not just me anymore#im not the only one helping out at home anymore so i can finally focus on myself#and ive made so many great friends that have opened me up like some kind of oyster#like the amount of times ive been called an extrovert is crazy bc i have NEVER been called that before#and i rlly think its thanks to all these wonderful people who have given me a chance and a space to be unapologetically me#even if its weird or freaky or sometimes a little off#i spent a long time inside myself bc i was scared but as time goes on i feel that fear less and less#im just really glad. im like genuinely happy#n especially when i look back on my old posts where i was in so much pain im just glad we were able to get to this point#im just surrounded by immensely cool people. my partner. my friends. my professors. my doctors.#like i was making progress before but i feel like ive been able to truly start healing this year#i love you all. you know who you are. erm!! if you see this post n then see me i will pretend i never made it !!! so erm!!!#king magnum thirst trap WHEN#rambles#sowwy for the lore dump do you still think my cock is huge
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froggerland · 1 month ago
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Digital sketchbook spread (aka face studies bc I’m bad at getting ppls likeness)
From left to right:
- Graham Gore (what a fucking badass name) and Goodsir,
- Goodsir later on not having the time of his life anymore,
- Le Vesconte (who tf names their kid that, what are you? French?? No proper English geezer that’s for sure),
- Tom Hartnell (no idea why everyone loves him so much but he’s the only one who smiles from time to time (I think) (I actually don’t remember)),
- James Clark Ross (saw a post that rossier is basically real, signing your letters with „believe me ever yours“?? Fitzier is over guys (not really)),
- Croziers neglected daughters (Ned, Jirving and Hodge) (idk why ned looks so weird and cursed sorry),
- Aaand Tozer and Armitage (I think I read somewhere that Armitage is partially deaf so I imagine he would use made up sign language when there’s a lot of noise around so he can talk with his friends;;)
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mxltifxnd0m · 6 months ago
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must be love ❥ s.winchester
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summary: social media/modern era au with stanford! sam winchester
pairings: established sam winchester x reader, sam winchester x fem! reader
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warnings: none really, no use of 'y/n', fluff, slice of life, references to drinking, and one mention of sex
a/n: first social media au so please be nice to be loll. but this was fun to make! and who knows i might make more in the future 🤭
also happy b-day to jared padalecki our cancer king 😩🙌 (him being a cancer makes so much sense to me), and the user: dianhhboo is actually my friend to introduced me to spn and i wanted to add her in the fic 🤭
reblog and comment! i love to see your thoughts on my fics (even if this isn't technically a fic lol)
𝘴𝘢𝘮 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵
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yourusername
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liked by jessymoore, samwinchester, and 1490 others
yourusername life lately <3
tagged: jessymoore, dianahhboo, samwinchester, deansbaby67 +3 more
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jessymoore we need to have more girls nights, finals are going to kill me ↳ yourusername 100% this paper might make me off myself ↳ dianhhboo remind me why i decided to major in psych 😭 ↳ jessymoore because we wanted free therapy after we graduated
deansbaby67 fyi i totally kicked your ass in cards ↳ yourusername mhm sure you did deanie you were totally not drunk off your ass the entire time ↳ deansbaby67 @ samwinchester sammy come and get your gf she's being mean to me ☹️ ↳ samwinchester not my problem 🤷‍♂️ ↳ deansbaby67 im never visiting you ever again
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samwinchester
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liked by yourusername, dianhhboo, and 986 others
samwinchester study date for the LSATS with my love (we consumed so much coffee but she still fell asleep)
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bradybunch dude i thought you said you wanted to study alone ↳ samwinchester your idea of studying is just having your work out and being on your phone ↳ bradybunch harsh... but fair
yourusername i was running on fumes and that book was really boring i couldn't help it ↳ samwinchester how much sleep did you get in the past week... ↳ yourusername ummm like 5 hours... ↳ samwinchester per night? ↳ yourusername ...the entire week ↳ samwinchester BABE!? that's it, you're not studying anymore, come to my dorm, we're going to bed ↳ yourusername 😏😏 ↳ samwinchester we're SLEEPING honey ↳ yourusername 😒
deansbaby67 nerds ↳ samwinchester really dean? ↳ deansbaby67 just calling it how i see it ↳ samwinchester whatever 🙄
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yourusername
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liked by deansbaby67, winchestermary, and 1567 others
yourusername guys i love my bf 🥰🥰
tagged: samwinchester
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deansbaby67 barf 🤢 this is not what i wanted to see first thing in the morning ↳ yourusername sorry mr. one night stands ↳ deansbaby67 are you slut shaming me? ↳ yourusername ofc i am 😍
samwinchester i love you too but why those photos 😭 ↳ yourusername why not? i need to show the ppl my smoking hot and sweet boyfriend ��
jessymoore youre cheating on me?! im leaving and taking the kids ↳ yourusername WAIT NO BABE HE MEANS NOTHING I SWEAR DONT TAKE THE KIDS ↳ jessymoore too late the papers are on your desk ↳ deansbaby67 wth did i just read?
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samwinchester
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liked by dianhhboo, bradybrunch, and 1053 others
samwinchester love you my silly girl ❤️
tagged: yourusername
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dianhhboo you guys are disgustingly cute ↳ jessymoore right? like please we get it you're in love
yourusername ive trained you well in taking candids 🤭 also when did you take those photos? ↳ samwinchester a magician never reveals his secrets 🤫 ↳ yourusername you're a dork ↳ samwinchester ah but you love this dork ↳ yourusername unfortunately ↳ samwinchester UNFORTUNATELY??
yourusername im kidding i love you sammy ❤️ ↳ samwinchester i love you too i guess ↳ yourusername oh great ive triggered sassy sammy
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yourusername
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liked by jessymoore, bradybunch and 1267 others
yourusername officially moved in with sammy 💛
tagged: samwinchester
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deansbaby67 uhh at least tag me for helping you two dweebs move in? ↳ yourusername sorry 🙄
yourusername add'l creds to @ deansbaby67 bc he's a big baby ↳ deansbaby67 thank you future sister-in-law ↳ yourusername @ samwinchester 🤨🤨 wanna explain? ↳ samwinchester @ yourusername not really
winchestersmary congrats on moving in you two! i hope to see you soon ↳ yourusername aah thank you mary we'll be visiting for christmas 😁
samwinchester i love you baby ↳ yourusername love you more sammy ↳ samwinchester impossible
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lehguru · 1 year ago
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BE MINE + ONE PIECE MEN
request: them asking the reader to be their partner + luffy, zoro, sanji & law
info: gn!reader, i forgor how i characterize them so bear with me, also this is me trying to crawl back to one piece so im sorry if its rlly bad; not proofread!!! (i should start asking ppl to beta read those istg)
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monkey d.luffy didn't really straight up asked you to be his partner. luffy being luffy, he walked up to you one day and said that you were his partner. you, having feelings for the captain for a really long time now, chuckled nervously, asking "what do you mean?". as he explained that nami told him that if he liked you, then he should ask you out, you could hear the red head sighing from somewhere—you knew at least half of the crew was watching you two right now. you laughed softly at the proud smile he wore and nodded, agreeing to be his.
roronoa zoro was almost the same as luffy, but at least he had the decency to actually ask you about it. during a beautiful day, you were on one side of the little garden that was built in the thousand sunny's deck, helping robin to water the plants. out of nowhere, a shadow was cast upon your crouching form; looking up, you noticed the green haired swordsman and smiled at him, getting up. "yes, zor—"
cutting you off, he asked in the same stoic tone he almost always had: "do you want to be my partner?". your eyes went wide and you let out a small exclamation of surprise. taking that as a denial, he turned back and started to walk away, but you managed to yell out his name. "yes! i will be your partner." the man huffed and nodded, but you could see a slight blush dusting his cheekbones.
when the subject is romance and love, you always expect sanji to be a master at it. out of everyone, he should be the one knowing how to ask someone to be his significant other, but he has never felt this... strongly about someone like he feels about you. when he approaches you to ask that, he's holding a little box with your favorite dessert, his long slender fingers shaking a little as words seemed to catch on his throat for the first time in front of someone he loves. he took a deep breath, a bead of sweat dripping down the back of his neck, you touching his arm and asking 'is everything okay, sanji?' with your sweet voice sent him over the edge. "do you want to date me?", his words were clear for him, but for you, he simply spat all of them out at the same time. you told him to breathe and say it again, and he did, his eyes looking at the floor with the shame of the rejection that would surely come his way. your head almost bumped on his as you jumped on his arms, screaming a yes and giggling loudly. he hugged you and spun you around, giggles of his own leaving his pink lips.
trafalgar d.water law didn't want to acknowledge his feelings for you. you were one of his closest friends, one of the few people he trusted the most—you knew things about him that he never told another soul; so he was afraid of losing you. terrified even. he had lost enough people that he loved during his life and he couldn't bear to lose another one. but... his other friends knew a little too much about his "silly" feelings.
"c'mon man, go ask them out." law saw himself being cornered by penguin, sachi and bepo one day, all of them with playful expressions. "the worst you can get is a punch."
he tried to ignore them, ignore how his cheeks seemed to be heating up, but they were being so obnoxious and annoying, he couldn't handle them anymore. with a burst of rage, he yelled at them, "can you shut up? i don't like them and they don't like me, either!"
"like who?" your voice made his heart leave his body and he felt like stabbing the three men—and bear—that were running away now. "no one." law replied, scoffing to himself for the slip up. "torao! tell me! come on!" now you were the one bugging him and he rubbed his face with his hand. you poked his cheek, giving him a little pout. "law, please!"
"it's you." he snapped, making you freeze. "it's you, dumbass." surprising the man, you started to giggle, making him go from annoyed to even more embarassed. "what?" you kissed his lips softly and started to walk away, saying that you accepted to be his partner.
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2024 © content belongs to lehguru, but the characters used in them belong to their respective creators!!
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adioringhamzah · 11 days ago
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last part here
it's really you on my mind part 2. (hamzah's pov)
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i would've never thought adding benefits to a friendship could make you in love with them
a.n : hamzah's pov, fwb y/n × hamzah, sfw, y/n's described to have "long silky hair" (doesn't impact the story at all), check pt1 for y/n's pov
i just finished filming a video with martin and mandy, more specifically, one where the three of us played the sims.
while playing, i couldn't help but think of y/n. i'd love to have her on the channel, but to everyone else, she's just one of my friends.
a girlfriend could've been on the pod, maybe an episode with mandy, too. but this would've just been a little awkward.
i brushed it off, texting her as soon as we finished filming.
before we added benefits into our friendship, i would've just asked her to watch a movie, play whatever silly video game i just discovered with martin, or just hang out.
but now, doing these things feels off, like there's an unmentioned tension in the air. watching a movie's fun, but not when you don't even know how to act anymore.
how can someone concentrate on a movie next to the prettiest woman ever? i still don't know the answer.
i can't focus on the plot when right next to me (although not close enough) is sitting the girl i manhandled just days before.
the drive to her house seems so long, listening to the radio, every song reminds me of her.
everything makes me think of her. the cutest tiktoks about couples? would love to send them, but instead, they're all in a special folder, hoping one day i'll be able to send them all.
once she opens the door, i can't help but admire her. she's dressed in the cutest pyjama set in a baby blue colour.
although it's probably the most basic outfit ever, she makes it stunning.
her long silky hair covers almost her whole back, and she has the sweetest vanilla scent.
you make the shortest small talk before sitting down on her leather couch where i kissed her so many times before.
usually, natural, this make-out session felt awkward.
y/n is just staring in my eyes, looking absolutely lost in her thoughts.
oh, i would love to know what she's thinking about.
i back up a little, breaking my almost desperate (for her love) kiss. she stays watching me, speechless, before finding some excuse.
getting back to making out with her, i barely notice her strawberry bubblegum taste or her slightly glittery gloss.
i'm mostly thinking about her. it's really her on my mind–always–no matter the situation. yes, we mutually agreed we're not ready for an actual relationship, but with her, everything changed.
our friendship was already fulfilling enough. i can't help but almost regret the added benefits. although at the same time, i would've never discovered my feelings.
being more fulfilled in a friendship with benefits than in an actual relationship like the one you had with your ex was kinda crazy but it's my reality.
even martin noticed i'm off these past few days. one month ago i was ecstatic, loving the new added perks in my friendship with y/n... until my feelings came crashing on me like waves on the shore.
i've always loved martin and mandy's relationship. both so accommodating of each other, so in love under any circumstances. but lately i almost feel a slight jealousy towards them.
i see them go to new york and on so many romantic dates, while i sit at home considering if i should send a text or not to my friend with benefits, scared of looking too desperate.
i mean i am, for y/n's love i really am.
i hope you liked <3
tell me if i should make a part 3 (maybe where they acknowledge their feelings?)
and tysm to all the ppl that commented on the last part.
it genuinely means sm and i love u all❤️‍🩹
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skin-slave · 1 year ago
Text
I wanna say something and all I ask is that you read the whole thing before burning me at the stake.
There are always horrible things happening. There are always ppl who are suffering and dying. There are always corrupt politicians. There are always human rights violations. There are always tragedies. There is always misinformation and exploitation. War is always looming on the horizon or busting in the back gate. The world is always fucked up.
That fact does not mean that the lives affected matter any less than our own. It does not mean that we don't do what we can to help. It does mean that we cannot afford to put our lives on hold while a horrible thing consumes us.
I'm sure that, if your parent/sibling/partner/best friend had a medical emergency, you would gladly do whatever you needed to do to be there. I'm sure that you would sacrifice sleep, skip meals, call in to work, and be by their side until they were stable. You can afford to do that when those emergencies are infrequent and relatively brief.
You cannot do that with the world's emergencies. They are not infrequent. They are not relatively brief. You have to sleep, eat and shower. You have to pay your bills. You have to survive.
Daily life goes on.
It feels unjust. Of course it does. How can you possibly go about the mundane like nothing's going on? You Don't. You go about the mundane like there are horrible things happening. You make the adjustments you can sustain without sacrificing your well-being. You make drastic changes for as long as you can, when you simply can't take it anymore, and then you step back, take a breath, and go grocery shopping. You have to. If you don't, you won't survive the horrible thing.
No one who is going thru a horrible thing wants you to self-destruct. There's so much good you can do over the course of your life if you maintain that life. Adding your name to the list of casualties will prevent all of that good from happening. You have to survive.
And that includes the things that seem optional, bc those things aren't actually optional at all. You need to laugh. You need to watch movies and love your pets and go for walks. You need food that tastes good and clothes that make you feel confident. You need that show you'll regret not seeing. You need to get takeout and take naps. You need to have the weight lifted frequently, so you can heal the parts of you that get worn.
If you aren't living as well as you can, while making adjustments you can afford to make, you will not survive.
Please survive.
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lostreverb · 5 months ago
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Haiii I love you and your Warren stuff, I absolutely require more but I have no ideas to ask you to write ^^"
-Duckie 💜
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please please please (short n' sweet)
(warren lipka x fem!reader) in where you swear you have good taste in lovers, but your new boyfriend makes everyone think otherwise (wc: ~3.2k) (this fic is a part of my short n' sweet collection!)
content: fluff, angst, established relationship, swearing, drugs (weed), nsfw actions implied
note: ILYT THANK YOU for the request!! (so so sorry this took so long!) also using a song about barry keoghan to write about a movie he was in just feels so good to my brain idk. (also ermm... UK is supposed to be the university of kentucky idk if ppl call it that just go with it)
__
the dim light of the living room provided a warm atmosphere for the party you (somewhat) spontaneously decided to attend. your girlfriends had been pestering you to go out recently and you figured coming along this time would get them off your back, at least for a bit. you and your two closest friends lounged on plush couches, drinks in hand. as you sat, listening rather than speaking, your friend marissa’s voice cut through the chatter. the walls seemed to close in when she asked the question you had been dreading:
"so who's this guy you're dating again?"
"uhm... he-" you shifted in your seat, feeling your unease gradually intensify. "he goes to UK.."
another friend, cleo, who sat further down on the couch, leaned forward with a laugh. "come on, girl," she teased. "why is this like pulling teeth with you? stop being so vague and just spit it out."
typically, you'd never be one to hide information about a guy you're dating from the girls but you knew how they were gonna react. you had been avoiding the topic for weeks.
"cause' i know y'all don't like him!" you snapped. "y'all don't like him and i honestly don't want to be lectured-"
"we're not gonna lecture you-" marissa interrupted, her voice softening, trying to reassure you.
"how could we not like him if we don't even know him?" cleo added.
you rolled your eyes. your friends, as sweet as they were, could be very blunt with their opinions on guys. especially ones you dated. sure, your last ex did end up hooking up with his overly flirty biochemistry lab partner, but that wasn’t until after you broke up. a week after, to be exact—but still, it wasn’t like he cheated. and the one before that, the one with a slight drinking problem, couldn't really help it. addiction ran in his family (that's what he told you at least) plus he was irish! who were you to deny him participation in his culture? your friends couldn't be right about everything and you certainly didn't want to entertain the thought they could be right about-
"warren? warren fucking lipka?"
you felt your face heat up at marissa's reaction.
"yes, warren… lipka," you murmured, feeling the air grow heavy as their disapproving stares settled on you. this felt so much worse than how you’d imagined it in your head.
"deals-weed-and-sells-burner-phones-out-of-his-dorm warren?" marissa asked in disbelief.
"didn't he just break the record for most yellow cards in a single season?" cleo added, one eyebrow arched in skepticism.
"he doesn’t deal anymore—and he’s going through some stuff," you huffed, frustration bubbling up as you tried to defend him. warren had never really loved soccer, and after losing all respect for his father following his parents' messy divorce, he’d grown to despise the sport. as for dealing, you’d convinced him to stop after a close call with the cops. besides, he couldn’t stop getting high off his own supply.
"y/n, don’t take this the wrong way… we just don’t want to see you get hurt again," marissa said gently, her voice full of concern.
"or end up as a pothead," cleo chimed in, more bluntly. "you… haven’t smoked with him, have you?"
you didn’t respond, suddenly paralyzed by the sight of a familiar face, standing idly by the drinks table. spencer reinhard. if he was here, then that meant…
a pair of hands covered your eyes, followed by the smell of old spice and a hint of weed. "guess who?"
ah, shit.
"hey…" you said nervously, glancing around the room. of course, he's at the one party you decided to attend.
"you're supposed to guess- whatever- guess what, babe?" warren grinned as he plopped down on your side of the couch, far too comfortably for your liking.
"what?" you asked, trying to keep your voice level.
"got my hands on a couple of pre-rolls," he said, pulling out a small baggy with a smirk. "i told my guy about you, and he threw in some edibles as a gift."
"told him about me?"
"yeah, he couldn't believe it. luckily, i had that polaroid of us—"
you froze, knowing exactly what he was referring to. the first time you had sex high with warren, you came up with the "great" idea to take pictures together afterward. you thought you had hid them, but he must've swiped one without your knowledge.
"you had what?"
"don't worry," warren said quickly, holding up his hands in mock surrender. "i covered the lower half with my hand- are these your friends?" he glanced at the others. "you guys look a bit tense. you interested?" he waved the baggy slightly.
"no." marissa said sternly, her eyes narrowing as she shot him a cold look. cleo, sitting beside her, simply ignored him, her expression unreadable.
"jeez, what's their problem?" warren muttered.
"warren, go hang out with spence…" you desperately wanted him to leave.
sensing your discomfort, warren shrugged. "fine," he said, standing up. "we'll be out back. let me know when you wanna go- i’ll give you a ride."
you watched as warren walked away, a pang of guilt settling in for how dismissive you had been. you were only trying to protect him until you could get your friends to understand. yes, warren was incredibly chaotic, but that was part of what drew you to him. he wasn’t just some lazy stoner; he wanted to push boundaries and break rules. he yearned to live a different kind of life, to do something extraordinary, unbothered by what others thought.
but he cared what you thought, and you had just pushed him away.
you rose from the couch, glancing over at your friends. the need to apologize was growing by the second, urging you to make things right. "hey guys, i'll see you around. i think i need to-"
before you could finish, warren was suddenly at your side. "we've gotta go, come on."
"what? why?" you asked, confused.
"LIPKA!" you heard someone roar from an open door. "I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!"
warren’s strong grip clamped around your wrist, pulling you out of the house. as you stumbled behind him, you took a glance back and saw the angry figure charging toward you, recognizing the unmistakable frat symbol on his shirt.
when you finally reached the car, spencer was already in the driver’s seat, watching behind you. without hesitation, you scrambled into the backseat and warren followed, the frantic moment pushing you into the vehicle.
"GO, GO, GO!" warren shouted, a hint of laughter in his voice. the engine roared to life, and the car surged forward, its tires screeching against the pavement.
the escape left your heart pounding furiously, and you struggled to process the chaos you had just experienced. the boys erupted in laughter as the car sped away. warren leaned forward, playfully thumping spencer on the shoulder.
“serves that fucking asshole right!” he exclaimed, his grin wide with satisfaction.
“what happened?” you asked, still trying to catch your breath.
warren pulled out a wad of cash, holding it up with a triumphant smirk. “i sold that dumbass jake a baggy of flour.”
you sighed, rolling your eyes slightly, your friend's comments echoing in your mind. warren glanced at you. his mouth opened as if he was about to say something, but he quickly thought better of it. you both stayed quiet the whole ride to your college apartment, avoiding the tension that hung between you like a dark cloud.
when spencer finally pulled up to the curb, you both stepped out of the car, the cool night air doing little to ease the knot in your stomach. you walked ahead, the familiar path to your apartment feeling longer than usual, while warren followed closely behind.
as soon as the door to your place clicked shut, warren got straight to the point.
“what’s going on?” his eyes were fixed on you, searching for answers.
“warren, i’m just tired-"
“that’s bullshit, y/n, and you know it,��� he shot back, stepping closer, the intensity in his gaze making it impossible to look away. your relationship was still fairly new and you had never seen him like this. not with you, anyway.
you stayed quiet, biting your lip as you searched for something, anything, to say that wouldn’t make things worse. but the words wouldn’t come, trapped somewhere between your throat and the overwhelming pressure in your chest.
warren ran a hand through his hair, the frustration evident in the sharp tug of his fingers as they glided through the long strands. his voice dropped to a softer tone, almost vulnerable, as if the question he was about to ask took everything out of him. "are- are you embarrassed of me?"
"baby… no-" you began, but your voice faltered as you caught the frown on his face. it was a small, almost imperceptible pouting of his lips, but it spoke volumes. he didn’t believe you. and deep down, in a place you didn’t want to admit even existed, you weren’t sure if you believed yourself either.
warren shook his head, his eyes narrowing as he leaned back against the wall, his arms crossing defensively. "you never even let me come over when you head back home."
you opened your mouth to respond, your mind racing to come up with something that would make this better, make him understand. "that’s because-" you started, but he cut you off.
"you think i’m gonna embarrass you in front of your parents," he said, the words spilling out in a rush. "'our poor perfect daughter is dating a fuck-up.' i’m not a fuck-up! i just have different plans for my life than you boring-ass people!"
"warren, i never-" you tried to interject, but he was on a roll now, the floodgates of his emotions opening wide.
"and i can’t fucking be perfect all the time!" he yelled. "i’m fucking human!" he continued to ramble, his words tumbling over each other, his breaths coming quicker.
"warren-" you tried again, but he didn’t seem to hear you.
"WARREN!" you finally shouted, your voice slicing through his seemingly never-ending rant.
he stopped mid-sentence, his eyes snapping to yours, his chest heaving with the effort of holding back whatever else he was desperate to say. "WHAT?!" he barked.
you took a deep breath, steadying yourself. "fine, next friday, i’m supposed to head back home… it’s my dad’s birthday dinner… you can come and meet my family."
warren’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, and he let out a sharp, bitter laugh. "i don’t need your pity invitation,"
you stepped closer, your eyes locking onto his. "i want you to come!" you insisted. "it’s never been about you. it’s just… my parents can be a bit judgmental," you lied, the words tasting bitter on your tongue, but you couldn’t bear to tell him the truth.
warren studied you for a long moment, his expression unreadable. finally, he let out a heavy sigh. "you promise?" he asked, stepping closer to you.
you reached out, taking his hand in yours, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "i promise," you said softly, hoping that the warmth in your voice would be enough to convince him, even if you were still trying to convince yourself.
he lazily guided your arms around his back, his touch gentle as he pulled you into a sweet embrace. his warmth enveloped you, and as his arms tightened around you, a familiar sense of safety washed over you. being in his arms never failed to make you feel protected, cherished, as if nothing in the world could touch you.
despite the conflicting feelings that swirled inside you about how others perceived your relationship- their judgments, their whispers-none of it seemed to matter when you were wrapped up in him like this. in the quiet moments, when it was just the two of you, all you felt was the love you had for him, pure and undeniable, drowning out any doubts or fears.
you felt warren shift in your embrace, his body tensing slightly against yours. instinctively, you pulled away, your brows furrowing in confusion as you noticed the sudden change in him.
"babe?" you asked, tilting your head as you looked up at him. "are you… hard?"
warren’s cheeks flushed as he offered a sheepish grin, his voice dropping to a low murmur. "you just look so fuckin' hot right now…" it more had to do with you raising your voice at him for the first time but he would never admit to that.
a surprised laugh escaped your lips. "ohhh my god," you said, shaking your head. "weirdo!" the playful insult held no real bite; if anything, you were relieved that his thoughts had shifted to something less serious, even if it was a bit… unsavory.
"sorrryy," warren drawled out, his grin wide.
you rolled your eyes, a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. "alright, come on-" you began to turn around when, without warning, he scooped you up, tossing you over his shoulder with surprising ease.
“warren!” you squealed in surprise, but your protests were ignored as he held you securely, his strong arms wrapping around your legs as he carried you toward your room with a determined stride.
"to the bedroom!" he declared, as he marched forward, your laughter echoing through the hallway.
as he carried you into the room, you could feel the tension of earlier melting away, replaced by the warmth of his affection and the thrill of being so completely swept up in his arms.
--
you’d been worried about how warren would fit into the evening at your parents, thinking to your friends criticisms, but to your surprise, the atmosphere had been light and warm, the conversation flowing easily. it turned out that your dad had been friends with warren’s father during their college days- which served as an easy topic to build off of. although warren wasn’t particularly fond of talking about his dad, he managed during the talk, his jokester personality doing wonders with your parents.
after dinner, the mood was relaxed, everyone contentedly full and in good spirits. the suggestion to watch a movie came up, and it was quickly agreed upon. as you and your mom went to sit on the couch, your dad motioned for warren to join him on the porch. there was a certain seriousness in your dad’s tone that made you pause, a small flicker of worry sparking in the back of your mind. but you brushed it off, telling yourself it was nothing. probably just a typical fatherly chat.
still, as the minutes ticked by and they didn’t return, the worry began to gnaw at you. you exchanged a glance with your mom, who raised an eyebrow, her expression mirroring your own unease. finally, unable to ignore the growing curiosity, you decided to check on them.
you slowly slid the glass door open, stepping out onto the porch, the cool night air brushing against your skin. “hey-” you started, peering around the corner, only to freeze at the sight before you. “oh, what the fuck? dad!”
your dad, looking far too amused for his own good, was holding a joint, a cloud of smoke curling lazily in the air around him. he chuckled at your reaction as passed the joint off to warren, who accepted it with a grin, taking a casual drag as if this were the most normal thing in the world. he would've killed you if he ever caught you smoking but here he is.
"what?" your dad replied with a shrug. he glanced at warren, who was now chuckling along with him, clearly enjoying the situation. "it's my birthday! i think i deserve to treat myself"
behind you, your mom appeared in the doorway, having followed you outside when you didn’t return. she took one look at the scene and burst into laughter, the sound infectious and disarming. you found yourself laughing too, the absurdity of it all breaking through your shock.
“i can’t believe this,” you muttered, shaking your head, but unable to wipe the grin from your face as you watched them both continue to banter as if they were old buddies.
--
the car hummed softly as you drove through the dimly lit streets. warren sat in the passenger seat, his arm resting casually on the window ledge as he glanced at you.
"you know," he began, speaking a bit slurred as his hand played with one of your loose curls. "your dad is seriously cool… like, really cool. and, uh, i gotta say it- your mom’s a total milf."
you felt your eyebrows shoot up in surprise, and you glanced over at him, half-laughing, half in disbelief. "warren, please, don’t fuck my mom."
warren's eyes widened, and he quickly waved his hands in front of him as if warding off your words. "whoa, whoa- no, i didn’t mean it like that!" he stammered. "i meant it objectively, you know? respectfully. she’s a milf, sure, but like… it's cool to see where you get all your killer looks from," he added, trying to recover.
you couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head at his desperate attempt to backtrack. "nice save," you replied, your lips curving into a smirk as you focused back on the road.
warren chuckled, visibly relieved that you weren’t upset. "i mean it though," he said more softly, his voice carrying a sincere note that held more layers than he could express in the moment. "you’ve got great genes."
you pulled up in front of warren’s house and parked, turning off the engine, the sudden silence filling the small space between you.
he took a moment before unbuckling his seatbelt, his movements slow as if he was reluctant to leave. he turned to face you, his expression earnest now. "thanks for the ride," he said, hand reaching to scratch the back of his head. "and, you know, for trusting me. i don’t take that lightly."
you met his gaze, feeling a warmth spread through your chest at the sincerity in his eyes. "of course," you replied softly. you can't believe you ever doubted him. "i trust you, warren."
there was a brief pause, a moment where the world outside seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of you in the quiet cocoon of the car. then, without warning, warren leaned in, his lips brushing against yours in a tender, lingering kiss. it was soft, sweet, and filled with unspoken promise (and of course weed).
when he pulled back, a small smile played on his lips, and he reached up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear. "see you tomorrow?"
"yeah, see you tomorrow."
warren opened the car door and stepped out, turning back to give you one last look. "goodnight,"
"goodnight," you echoed, watching as he walked up the path to his front door. he paused at the entrance, giving you a final wave before disappearing inside.
you sat there for a moment, the smile on your face widening as you replayed the evening’s events in your mind. the earlier worries and doubts that had clouded your thoughts now seemed distant, almost silly. maybe, just maybe, you didn’t need to be so worried after all.
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